Are You Bogged Mate? founder Mary O’Brien discusses how a different approach is key for reaching out to rural men who need mental health support
In November last year, Mary O’Brien – the founder, director and CEO of Are You Bogged Mate? – gave a presentation facilitated by Municipal Works Australia.
Discussing the alarming statistics that first inspired her to write about the issue of suicide amongst men – and particularly its toll on rural men – O’Brien says there is a need for mental health services better tailored towards men, that are accessible wherever they may be in Australia.
With over three quarters of Australians who died by suicide in 2024 being male, O’Brien is looking to raise awareness of the threat of poor mental health amongst rural male populations with her initiative Are You Bogged Mate?
Starting point
With a background in agriculture, O’Brien has spent her career working with rural communities in some of the remotest areas of Australia.
With a particular focus on sustainable agriculture, chemical use, spray drift risk management and record keeping, at the beginning of 2018 she found herself discussing a topic that was rarely broached but which continues to have a significant impact on rural populations – and specifically men.
Prompted by the death of a farmer in the local community, it was an article on suicide and mental health and how men were facing challenges around anxiety and depression but didn’t have the tools or resources to help them.
“After doing some research and looking into the issue of suicide in general, and more specifically into rural male suicide, the frustration that I felt from the statistics led me to write an article which I called ‘Are You Bogged Mate?’” O’Brien recalls.
“In that article, I used the analogy that I thought mental health and depression was a bit like getting bogged. Most of the time we can get ourselves through those sticky patches in life, but when we get properly bogged, we actually have to ask someone for help, and that may not be so easy to do.
“In all my years, I’ve never seen anyone bog a machine, big or small, and just get out and set fire to it and say it’s too hard. We always take the time and trouble to get that machine out.
“That analogy seemed to resonate particularly with men all over the world, and certainly a lot of women as well. And it ended up becoming my full-time job.”
After her article was released, she says it spoke to a lot of people, but particularly men and those men who worked in rural areas.
As she says in her presentation, “clearly something is missing the mark for the men in our country”, which spurred her to create the charity ‘Are You Bogged Mate?’ to boost awareness and start conversations – highlighting the services that are available and giving men the space and tools they need to check in with their mates as well as find help themselves if they need it.
Communication methods
O’Brien says there is a significant disconnect between how mental health services are offered and how men communicate, which means there’s a barrier in the effectiveness of counselling.
“I guess what makes the Are You Bogged Mate? approach different is that I don’t follow standard practice with regards to mental health – I use very practical tools,” she says.
“We go to where the people are and where they’re comfortable. We’ve got a big focus on breaking down the stigma.
“There’s the perception that men don’t talk. They do, but they do it differently to women, so understanding the differences in communication styles between men and women is super important.
“I am able to explain these differences in a practical way that makes sense to men and women.”
The Are You Bogged Mate? approach is different to all the other mental health programs, as we keep it user-friendly and practical.
“We also connect men with services that we think are male friendly,” O’Brien says.
“One of those is TIACS, which is an acronym for ‘this is a conversation starter’. We’ve worked very closely with TIACS over the years, and we just find them fantastic. One of the reasons is because you don’t have to leave where you are, so you can call or text the TIACS number, and it’s quite targeted to blue collar workers and farmers, tradies, resource workers etc.
“Particularly for people in rural areas, it can often be a long wait to get in to see a counsellor or a psychologist, and you have to travel and sometimes be away from work or family. That’s the benefit of TIACS as it’s available anywhere in the country.”
In addition to speaking events, Are You Bogged Mate? runs annual getaways for blokes called Bogged Brakes, which O’Brien says has been really successful.
“It’s a program for blokes who are doing it a bit tough,” she says.
“You don’t have to have a mental health diagnosis – you can just be going through a bad time – and we take them away for a weekend and teach them some skills and have a lot of fun.
“Applications are open all year and you just have to tell us a bit of what’s going on in your life as that helps us with assessing the applications, because we can only take 20 blokes at a time.
“We have three events in 2026, so that’ll be around 60 men that we’ll be able to take, and if you’re a bit iffy about going, you can bring a mate. So, we get a lot of blokes who bring their brother or their best mate or their dad or their son to these Bogged Brakes events.
“We follow that with a closed Facebook group that includes only the men who’ve been to Bogged Brakes, and we see guys in there sharing things that happen in their life, good and bad. We see guys in that group asking for help from each other, and it’s a pretty special group to be in.”
How to start a conversation
It all starts with a question – how are you doing? – but trying to find the best time or way to ask it can be a challenge, especially if people aren’t used to talking about their feelings.
O’Brien says a good way to approach the topic when talking with men is to start with the facts and what you have noticed. Have they stopped engaging in activities, such as playing football, or going fishing with their mates? Have they suddenly decided to start clearing out the shed and sell their belongings? Is their behaviour out of character, maybe they’re more down and depressed?
O’Brien says you should ask them what’s going on and say you’ve noticed that they’ve quit the local team or aren’t around as much.
“Also, ask an open question rather than a closed question,” she says.
“A closed question is a question that you can answer yes or no to. An open question is something that requires an explanation. So, talk to men about facts and ask open questions: ‘Mate, I see you cleaning out the shed. Tell me what’s going on.’
“I see a lot of people who get anxious about asking this question or delving into this conversation, but the support services that are out there for people who are struggling are also there to be used by people who need advice on how to help a mate.
“So don’t be frightened to reach out to people like TIACS or Lifeline or any of those counselling services and say, look, I’ve got a mate who’s in trouble. Can you give me some ideas? Because they’re the professionals who have knowledge in this space.”
She says you can also offer support by calling a service with them or offering to go to the doctor with them to help break the ice and help them feel more comfortable.
Reaching those who need help
Are You Bogged Mate? travels all over the country, working with councils and other local organisations in order to access rural communities that need support.
O’Brien says that there has been a widespread interest in her work since she wrote her article, expanding out from her background in agriculture to include frontline services such as the police and fire fighters, trades, construction and resource industries.
“Since writing that article, I’ve driven over half a million kilometres around Australia and I’ve spoken face to face with over 33,000 people,” she says.
“My aim is to go to places that other mental health organisations have never even heard of, let alone turned up to, and I will continue to do that.
“We know we save lives. No location is too remote.”
For more information, visit: areyouboggedmate.com.au
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